What I've seen, tasted, felt.

A bunch of noisy hotel guests woke me up at 3am, so now I'm up for good. I decided to use this time to catch up on some emails/blog writings. My friend Cindy, who was the incredible link which brought me here, asked me what I've seen, tasted, and felt here. The seen and tasted were easy to describe. But I've posted the what I've felt here.

And as for felt... I don't even know where to begin. I feel like I'm a different person here. And I feel like I've found my heart again. I've learned to trust my instincts and feelings again. I have to go by sensing, instincts, and intuition since I don't speak the language and this isn't my country. I can see and sense kindness/not so goodness on a level that I can't in the US. All my feelings are so much deeper and richer than before. I feel like I am finally alive again. And I am so glad to be here on my own. I'm able to experience things to the fullness, and to be free.

In NY I was so preoccupied and busy with thinking, planning, executing. I lost myself and lost being in tune with my heart. I feel like this place has opened me up again. I am constantly feeling so many different emotions and feelings. My senses are also heightened. I think a part of me has gone into animal mode since my language skills are limited and I'm in a foreign country, I have to trust observation, sense, and instincts so much more. I follow my heart here, I embrace my feelings. I had stopped crying for the last 4 years. It was like a faucet just turned off and dry. But here, I'm able to release and really feel things. I'm constantly moved by so many things in a day. I can't even describe this in words.

I feel like I've found a home I didn't know I was searching for. I feel like I've been wandering in my life trying to fulfill myself with temporary amusements or things that weren't enriching. But being here, I feel like I am finally home.

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I am constantly falling in love here. With moments, with others, with myself. Every minute I am feeling something. Despite its barreness and simplicity, Tashkent has been so full of everything for me. I have never felt so fulfilled. To me, it is the most romantic place in the world. I am already scared to leave. I know these feelings may never come again. Everything has aligned and collided just perfectly. I feel like if I even move one step, everything will change.