Difficult times.

Yesterday was the first day things were really bad. It was to the point I began wondering if it would be better if I go back early.

Long story short there was a dispute at work. Fortunately, I have some very wise friends in NY who both gave me similar advice. With a clear decision in hand I went to sleep.

Then strangely, when I woke up today something felt very pleasant. The whole mood in the office is completely different. I don't know if something happened last night, or if it is this way. That some days are destined to just be chaotic, while others are peaceful. I was always an analyst just doing my work. Now from a manager's perspective I see things differently.

I had dinner last night with someone I met in Kazakhstan. After an already difficult day, it was a little bit exhausting. For 3 hours he told me about his life, his difficulties. And he said to please forgive him for talking so much, that he doesn't often get to meet with Korean people. I felt bad at the same time, realizing he probably doesn't get to unload often and we all need to at times. So despite exhaustion, I figured if it helped him release, why not. It was only 3 hours of my life.

Oddly enough, before our office manager left for Malaysia, I had a feeling it may not work out. She was very nervous when she left. I told her, if anything happens or you are not happy, just come back. I think things sometimes have to be perfectly aligned and the timing has to work with these things. If I had come here even a year ago, it wouldn't have been right. And if I had gone to school 2 years ago, it wouldn't have been right. Sometimes I think we don't see the reason and get frustrated when we see doors close. But now I am so grateful that I wasn't able to squeeze through when the time wasn't right.

Thank goodness this weekend is coming. On other note, I am very excited. I think I got a hold of one of the painter's sons. I can't explain it. I just feel such a strong connection to those paintings. I keep trying to focus on this aspect of my trip. These are the reasons I came. Open dreams. Open pursuits. And not knowing what will come.