Life is short
Forgive quickly
Kiss slowly
Love truly
Laugh uncontrollably
And never regret anything that made you smile.

So this is the big debate I haven't solved. Do you live and go for things, even if you know they'll hurt or make things harder later? Or do you live with caution and wisdom.

Sunday I decided to try going to a go-ryo-in church. To my luck, the cab driver I caught happened to know where it is in the Sergily district. I'm completely supportive of any religion. I think faith and belief are good components of one's life. But, there's one thing that makes me really hesitant about Korean churches. They sometimes are a little too dramatic for me to be honest. Maybe it is passion, but for some reason I get uncomfortable with the displays of emotion when I go.

The odd thing was when I went to this church, it was clear to me many Korean pastors, missionaries, etc must've passed through this church. The way they praised, sang, cried their hearts out, etc. I felt like I was in a Korean church in the US. The sermon and praise songs were in Russian, the young Go-ryo-in kids had even made a hip hop type dance to some of the songs. And despite not understanding except a few words, it was really nice to go.

I also couldn't help notice that there were so many grandmothers, but very few men. And the few who I saw, I kept wondering if he could be our family member. I wanted to ask what their last names were, etc. but unfortunately, I still didn't have the info at this point.

Afterwards I was debating how to get home and I saw a grandmother sitting on a chair. I started talking to her. She asked if I had eaten? I said no. She said, you have to eat, we have to feed you, let's hold hands and go. I sat with her and some others, and once again, she spoke Chosun Korean. I am still amazed when I encounter the older generation who can still remember Korean well enough to speak. They were essentially the 2nd generation born here, so the equivalent to what I am in the US.

I sat with her, and afterwards she brought me with her to her - what I think was - bible study. A bunch of Go-ryo-in grandmothers gathered around the table, sung songs in Russian. There was a sense of serenity to it.

On the way to bible study she told me her daughter had died this past May in an auto accident. I felt terrible. I said you must be so "seul-puh" (sad) and she said she was so seul-puh. I felt so sad to see that no matter where you went, there were always these types of things.

In any case, afterwards I caught a ride with her. Her son in law is Uzbek but incredibly kind. When they got to their home, they put me in a cab, paid for it, and sent me safely back to my hotel.

At night I met Sveta and her husband for dinner. We went for Turkish food. They are the nicest Go-ryo-in couple I've seen yet, and seem so good together. Afterwards she and I went to opera cafe at the Dedeman Hotel for dessert.

The next night I checked out a restaurant I've been meaning to see, Manas Art Cafe. They're air-conditioned yurts and have Kyrgi and European food. A man was singing on the karaoke machine, to which they charge a "music" fee, but all the songs fit my mood at the time.

Afterwards I stopped by one of the Korean restaurants I go to often. After hanging out for a bit, the owner got a call to stop by a friend's place. He took me with him and guess what it was. A karaoke bar.

Korean karaoke bars outside the US aren't what people back home envision them to be. I shouldn't say all, but at least here, karaoke bars are places you can sing, drink, but also get girls. In a sense, I guess they are the equivalent to room salons, but you have to be fairly developed to have tiered levels of karaoke places, and then room salons.

I've never been to one but I was curious. The rooms were gorgeous, the whole setting was gorgeous actually. We had some beer, snacks, and they forced me to sing.

I love music, but I don't sing. I have terrible stage fright, and I absolutely hate singing in front of people. But I believe singing in general is cathartic. It's just not me. So in a whisper where I think it was more painful for them to sit through then for me to sing, I had to appease them and get one song over with.

It was pretty fun though I have to say.

Yesterday after a late night at work, I went out for a little again. I was supposed to go for a late dinner with the owner when he suddenly got a call that 40 people were coming to the restaurant. Well, guess who filled in. I realized to do service type of jobs like that you have to also have a certain personality. I kept shyly hiding in the room, when I asked people if they needed anything I think they could barely hear me, and I felt too bashful to go too close to their table and clear away plates. Fortunately, this was a really nice group of young people. Apparently they were supposed to go to Kazakhstan to perform for a festival but got stuck in Tashkent for the night. Well mannered, polite, it was really pleasant having all of them there at once. I filled a couple water jugs, got some glasses, asked for some extra dishes. But I was honestly too shy to do much.

After everyone left Sveta, the owner and I ate a late meal. The food tasted really good at that point. But I think it was partly also being able to eat with people I felt comfortable with again. Lunch is always casual, but there's something I love and appreciate about having dinner with close friends. Even in NY this is sometimes a luxury.

I probably shouldn't write this. In any case, I tried crashing but couldn't sleep. I got up to write some postcards which I had been meaning to do, and I saw I had a missed call from just a few min before. I guess you'd have to know the background to understand why the conversation made me sad. In any case, at the moment, I wonder if I could really be happy just staying and living life here. Would it be temporary, would it wear off? Or is it really me I wonder.