Wedding

I learned something yesterday.

So. The woman Rosa called me on Sunday and invited me to a wedding the following day. She said 2 Koreans would be getting married. I was overjoyed and ecstatic; this is the ultimate way to learn about Uzbek culture, but specifically the "go-ryo-in" culture. I felt as though God had sent me such a fortuitous blessing when I happened to run into her for that split moment outside my hotel. 5 minutes later and we would've missed each other. She told me to call her again when someone who speaks Russian would be able to take down the directions and instructions.

The next morning I asked my co-workers what would be an appropriate gift. What struck me as odd was that the wedding would be at 4pm on a Monday. They said if you're close you give money, but otherwise a small gift would be fine. Thing is, I felt like they were family given they were Korean. I wanted to give what I could.

I had my co-worker Bekzhod call her to get the instructions and to also get a sense of what the place would be like, how large the wedding was, etc. As overjoyed as I was, I also wanted to gauge the situation a bit and get an understanding of what the wedding would be like. Bekzhod, our office "opposition leader" who almost always disagrees with mass consensus, insisted a gift would be more appropriate. He also said I shouldn't go alone, and that I don't know what I'm getting myself into. That honestly her Russian was terrible, she sounded like she worked at the Oloy bazaar, and that he had never heard of that crappy place. I said that it would be fine, it was more like family, and part of being in a different country was to see more. I just wouldn't drink at the wedding. He said I've forgotten where I am, that I'm in a different country. I said if anything, I think it means I feel at home now and a bit more courageous/confident to experience new things. He said what if they beat you? I said I'll scream. He told me why don't you go to Afghanistan since you like risky situations. I said I would love to see more of the middle east if I get the chance later in a safe situation. I said if you're so worried why don't you come (Rosa had invited him earlier). He said he had plans, but that it was their responsibility to not let me go. Like hell I wasn't going to go.

Nevertheless, I was so nervous by his words I couldn't eat at lunch. I stayed back to make sure I'd finish my work to make it to the 4pm wedding.

Oddly, after they returned from lunch, Bekzhod said hey Jenny, do you want twix? To give you a sense of what this guy is like, last week while we were in the lunch line he said to me do you want coke to drink? I said yeah! He said can you get two? Another day I had bought twix for a mini dessert. He said, do you want all of that?

I had never seen him buy twix before but later realized it was b/c he noticed I didn't eat lunch and it was something he knew I liked.

I asked my co-workers for instructions to get to the floral shop (I decided on flowers) and I was so nervous I couldn't think straight. They are so sweet. They picked up on this, and Sherzhod said he would drive me and then drop me off at the hotel. I insisted I could find it on my own but he said no it's okay. Before I left I said to Bekzhod I should probably give you Rosa's number in case. He said why, you always say I'm so unreliable. I joked with all of them that if I didn't show up the next day, it meant I was either dead or I had too fun of a time.

Thank goodness Sherzhod came with me to the flower shop. The first place we went to, the Tashkent hotel, had a selection of 4 different types of roses and a very cold, young Russian girl who told me that each rose was 8,000 soum, or roughly $8. I didn't like the tone of her voice and I knew enough to know the price was ridiculous.

We went to another place down the street and fortunately, they had pre-arranged bouquets. I was so nervous I couldn't deal with picking which flowers to get, what would match, etc. I bought a little felt heart that said "I love you" and got a card.

Rosa had her driver pick me up and take me to the restaurant which was near the Russian embassy. She told me that there were actually 2 couples getting married. The men were from Korea and the women were Uzbek.

I realized she was part of a wedding business. There was a NY Times article a while ago about Korean men going to Vietnam in search of brides. There was also a movie, "Wedding Campaign", or "Kyu-rhon-ae jung-gi" about 2 Korean men who go to Uzbekistan in search of brides. I asked Rosa why these men came to Uzbekistan to find brides. She said they were bus drivers and in Korea the women wanted a much higher standard of life, and that Uzbek women could pick up Korean within 3 months or so. Apparently the men would come, meet about 20 women, narrow their choices down to 5, and then the women had the final say as to whether they would get married. They would spend between a week to 10 days getting to know them with the help of a translater.

One of the grooms looked like the sweetest, most sincere person. She told me that b/c he was kind of big and ugly (her words), he had a complex about his looks and women. He was 42 and had never been married. The other guy was much smaller, but to me he looked kind of tempermental. He reminded me of a gangster. Apparently he had been married once before and had two kids.

Rosa's partner, a man from Korea, also reminded me of a gangster. He had these sunglass type of glasses, and there was a toughness and scrappiness that made me uneasy.

On top of this, at my table one of the men kept trying to set me up with his son. I felt uneasy with all of this. What if they kidnapped me as a potential bride to set up with one of their grooms in their business? And I also realized I didn't know what kind of people I was dealing with. Sure Rosa was super nice to me so far, but that could easily turn in the wrong situation.

I looked back on the day, my nervousness throughout the day, and thought back to Bekzhod. I knew he had been so upset that I had gone. But I also was touched that he cared and felt such a sense of protectiveness. For some reason I felt he would be the right person to call. Not only would he take it seriously as his duty as a man, but I felt in a way I would also be giving back his pride. Normally out of pride I would've insisted on not giving in first. But this time, for some reason I felt differently. I felt he would feel like a man if after all his warnings I called and asked for his help. Okay, I know some of my friends want to kick me for the damsel in distress scenario. But bear with it.

I called and asked what he was doing after his meeting. He said he was thinking of working out, but asked why, whether I wanted him to come get me. I said yeah, maybe, but that if he had plans it was okay. He said he'd call me in a few hours. After he called, he said he would be 25 minutes. I said um, 45 minutes. He said but I want to drink if I go all the way there, you said there was good wine.

The center table for the 2 couples had 2 cakes and shared a common vase for flowers. The groom who looked really sweet, his wife looked equally sweet. Despite not speaking the same language and only having met a couple weeks before, you could just tell they were already so in sync. When she was hot he would fan her. They both looked so happy on their wedding day as though they had known each other forever. When they walked around the room they held hands. Her family kept going up to her, kissing her, wishing her well. I actually sat at their table and they were so kind. The woman next to me kept putting food on my plate. And when they danced her arm was close to his. The body language said I trust you and I will cherish you.

The other couple however, the bride's family was an hour and a half late (both brides' families were from the country side outside of Tashkent), she looked kind of sad, kept checking her cell phone, didn't really engage a lot with her husband when at the table, and when they danced there was a distance. They both looked a bit more reserved personality wise, but I couldn't help but feel a little uneasy about this couple, and could see some omens I didn't like. As a woman I felt so despondent. I realized how hard it is if you're a woman with very little opportunity and how sometimes risking your life into the unknown was your only chance at a better future. And being as superstitious as I am, there was things I saw that I wished I didn't see.

In any case, her family finally arrived and the festivities began. This is where I finally saw real Uzbek dancing. It is so beautiful. It is sort of a mix of Arabic and traditional Indian dancing. The way the older women could feel the music, move their hands in the most gorgeous ways. You could feel the wisdom, history, and the memories of their own wedding day as they danced. I was completely mesmerized.

Because the brides were Muslim they didn't have an oficiant at the ceremony. Instead, they had two boxes of rings for them, they did their cake cutting ceremony, and I took about a zillion pictures of everything.

I ran into the grooms on my way to the bathroom and during their smoke break. I congratulated them in Korean and wished them well. And I quietly told the nice looking groom, your wife looks like a genuinely kind woman. You guys look like such a nice match and I genuinely wish you well. Rosa had told me earlier in the night that he had actually picked another woman but the following day when he met this one, he said to Rosa, this is the one. And cancelled his previous preference for the other woman. I genuinely believe they are so well matched and believe destiny can be such a beautiful thing for them to be able to find each other despite literally being worlds apart. It reminded me of what my manicurist said before I left. How God made human beings able to communicate with each other without words. You didn't have to have that checklist or have lengthy conversations to be able to connect and feel and get each other. Whenever I looked at this couple I felt so overjoyed for them.

After 2 people took my phone away from me and the room blaring of music to translate directions to Bekzhod, I saw him quietly in the corner of the room. He came just at the end.

Something happened between him and Rosa when they greeted each other. I'm not sure what but her demeanor changed and I felt something uncomfortable. I'm not sure if she sensed his disapproval or if it was something in their eyes. She said she would drop me off. I said he actually brought his car (I lied, this guy is the king of cabs) but thanked her profusely for inviting me to come.

Me and Bekzhod stayed back after everyone left and cleared off the wine. The label was written in Russian but was a "Japanese" wine that tasted of cherry.

Anyhow, we walked back afterwards and on our way back we passed the hotel of the first flower shop I went to, Tashkent Palace. We heard music coming from the hotel and he said there was a party on the rooftop deck and said you want to see a real Uzbek wedding? Let's go.

This is such the type of thing I love to do. The plan was that we would play dumb foreigners, I would speak in English, and he would just say yes and no.

The crowd looked pretty uppity, well dressed, and it was too formal for us to walk in. Plus there were employees standing by the doors and there was only a group of 25-30 left dancing so it wasn't a large enough crowd for us to go in. It was fun regardless.

We walked through the streets of Tashkent and through a gorgeous park. He kept asking don't your feet hurt? Take off your shoes. I said no, because you will probably run away with them or something like that. He said you don't trust me, and I'm unreliable. I said why don't you take your shoes off then if it's really okay, I don't want to step on glass or hurt myself. He said how he has socks, blah blah. We passed by an Ecco shoe shop and he said let's go look at the shoes. There were sprinklers everywhere and he kept insisting we run through them. There was no freaking way I was going to run through sprinklers in my Catherine Malandrino chiffon dress. Even I know that shit wrinkles with water and I wasn't about to stress about finding the right dry cleaner in Tashkent. We saw a bald man put his head in the sprinkler. Bekzhod said see, even he's doing it. And screamed out to him, "fontain haroshi?" and some other stuff I couldn't understand.

Anyhow, it was a gorgeous night. The weather was perfect for a walk. After a while my feet really did kill enough for me to take off my shoes. It's something I would've probably done on my own (after long nights as soon as I'd get to my apt lobby I would take off my shoes and walk barefoot to the elevator), but I later felt like for some reason it was a test of trusting him.

We talked while we walked. We smoked a few cigarettes, talked some more. It was seriously one of the most romantic nights I've had in a long time. It was just perfect.

And I guess just as with everything else, certain things stay the same. There is always that person you always wonder what could've been if it was a different situation.

And just as with the grooms and brides I saw that night, I also realized even more that you didn't have to speak the same language or have had a long history to know if you connected with someone.

I'm not sure what he felt but we didn't talk to each other today. I don't know if we both realized we might be testing that line, if we were both embarassed from the night, or if it was b/c I blew up at Kozim in the morning (I'll save that for another entry, this is the wrong place to put it).

But I guess my time in Tashkent wouldn't be complete if I didn't have a small moment of love, even if it may be something just in my mind.